Trans Baby?

Jeremy is one amazing boy. Emphasis on boy. As a feminist, a lesbian who has spent perhaps far too much of her life thinking about gender differences among people, motherhood is teaching me that gender-based behavior may be more biologically driven than I would have believed. But, if Jeremy's flat head has more to do with his "male milk coma" than anything else, and if his belated babbling is just typical boy stuff, then so might be his fascination with the stairs, the irrigation system, and the dogs' tails. Truly, social construct can't explain certain predilections of babies, especially one boy raised by two moms? Can it? Sometimes Barb & I observe with an air of pride that "he just doesn't seem interested in toy cars and trucks," as if his failure to be impressed by wheeled vehicles proves we have been good liberal moms. But any loftiness is deflated by the fact that he LOVES real tires and wheels. Countless are the hours Jeremy spends examining, in painstaking detail, the spokes of bicycle wheels, the tires of cars and trucks and bikes, and the wheels of any real-life machines. He is beyond mere toys. Yeah, that's my boy!

The truth is, I love the way Jeremy expresses his unique boyness. I love how he is both energetic and contemplative, how he drinks in the scent of flowers as well as tire treads, how he is equally enchanted by the percussive tremors from drums as he is by the sweet notes of a flute, how he carries himself happily in his plaid shirts and his cargo pants, and how he takes equal pleasure in kissing his blocks and his dolls. When I look at him, I see nothing but the cute boy that he is and the confident and compassionate man that he will be come.

So imagine my suprise when, over the past week, a couple of different people have expressed confusion over Jeremy's gender! Huh? Seriously! Like yesterday, when he is dressed in navy blue from head to toe, and we met a lovely young woman who had a fluffy Akita puppy that Jeremy found fun. After remarking what a beautiful baby we have, she asked haltingly, "How old is ... your baby?" Clearly mindful of not offending us through the errant use of the wrong pronoun, but not sure which pronoun was right. Others have demonstrated similar hesitance. I tell you, I don't get it. I look at Jeremy and he is nothing but boy. At least in my eyes ... eyes which would as a philosophical matter prefer not to see gender so clearly. And others would see nothing but boy if they knew how happy he gets when he latches onto his penis. But at any rate I try looking at him through the lens of those who are meeting him for the first time to see if I can discern what is blurred. And the only thing that I see that might lend to the confusion are his luscious curly locks. Is that it? Really?

Whatever it is, the whole gender issue is confounding to me. And I imagine that being Jeremy's mom means that this is just the start of a lifetime of challenging experiences stemming from his boyness.

Continuing the Thought

As I mentioned, Jeremy is due back for a comprehensive developmental assessment at twelve months ... the appointment is day after tomorrow. The other day, Barb & I sat down to review what our concerns are. And they seem rather trivial now. More and more, his speech development seems to be falling into the "late boy talker" category that seems so prevalent, rather than anything more worrisome.

Then there is the eating issue. Compared to most of his age mates, Jeremy has remained quite tentative about anything that isn't smooth or pureéd. Now, even though he still doesn't eat very complex foods, just within the last week he has been more daring and actually enjoying chunky stuff that he normally would gag on and dramatically spit out. He has found new depths of joy in self-feeding in the last couple of weeks, and that is obviously a big part of why he is eating better. He loves scooping chunks of baked potato and cramming them in his mouth. Curiosity has replaced his previous angst over mouse-shaped macaroni and cheese. And the crust of fresh-baked pugliese suddenly became interesting and yummy, rather than an object to be feared. The bottle still maintains its exalted position in Jeremy's eyes -- and tummy -- but fewer ounces of formula pass over his lips each day. The [dinner] table is turning.

So, what's left? The walking issue? The archives of this blog document the fact that at seven months, Jeremy was walking around while holding onto his mommies' fingers. Everyone including his pediatricians predicted that he would be an early walker. And yet, ten days before his first birthday, Jeremy is still holding onto his mommies' fingers. He loves walking, and would walk every waking moment but for the fact that he won't loosen his grip. Physically, he could totally walk on his own. Maintaining the grip is clearly emotional or psychological. During our daily walking practice. Jeremy will often shake his head from side to side as if to say, "No no no I can't do it don't make me do it." And we mouth and gesture all manners of encouraging courage. And then he will take eight or nine plodding steps much like Frankenstein's monster. After lunging into our arms, he finally breathes, grins and then claps with joy. Unless he loses his balance before he lands safely, in which case he begins to whimper or cry. So, the question is, why would a healthy, strong boy resist his independence and prefer to hang onto to his parents for so long?

Life Rolls On

Even if the blog has been on the quiet side, Jeremy's world is not. In fact, Jeremy is babbling more and more, with every passing day.

Many have observed how quiet Jeremy is. First, people comment on how "good-natured" he is. Then, people (usually moms) sometimes say suggestively, "He is so quiet." The few bold souls among us will be so brave as to ask, "Does he talk at all?" His pediatricians have furrowed their brows.

An early developmental assessment at seven months resulted in an expected, if inconclusive, conclusion: he should be reassessed at twelve months.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, when Jeremy's babbling become more frequent and varied. It began when he began playing a tongue-sticking-out game with his Mama in which the goal is to make as many different shapes with your stuck-out tongue as possible. Bonus points if you can say "ah" while doing it. Soon after that, Jeremy started talking to himself more frequently -- when he is playing, when he is in his carseat, when he is hungry. He strings together different sounds of his own jargon. He experiments with different vocal sounds. He hums along to favorite songs.

Barb & I are estatic. Even if Jeremy doesn't have a "real" vocabulary like many one-year-olds do, it is clear to us that his word list is on the verge of being compiled. He says "og" (dog), "mamamama" when distressed, "tik" when being tickled, and "walk" (at least once) when wanting to walk with his Mommy. Even more exciting, he is responding appropriately to certain words-only questions. With every passing day, our concerns about Jeremy's developmental capacity are evaporating, and the possibilities for his life are blooming.